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Steph's Sekrit Identities

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I got into the mood to cut my hair and so signed up for an online service that would paste hundereds of hairstyles on your picture. In the end, I didn't change my hairstyle, but the results are funny anyway.

The Teri Polo: Who the hell is she? I don't know, but this is her hair. Imagine it brown.	The Ethan Hawke: Hey! I've got Ethan Hawke's hair! Ha ha ha ha. Take THAT Ethan Hawke!	The Kim Cattrall: Again, imagine this brown. I just do not look good as a blond!
The Reba McIntyre: Check out the size of Reba's ears. Hillarious. I don't have the ears to pull off this one. Nor do I have the necessary down-home, country, knee-slappin, git up n'go, hoooo-wee!	The Funky Bob: What makes this "funky"? Can you really use "funky" and "bob" in the same description? Isn't that like using "hip" and "Indianapolis" together? (For the record, "piecy bangs" are what is funk-ay.)	Luscious Locks: Why isn't this funky? The bangs look "piecy". But no! They are "gentle face framing layers". Hair dressers are stoners. This makes my face look too round anyway.
Sideswept Bangs: Just bangs and a bit of a perm. Kinda simple, easy to take care of. Looks my kind of low-maintenence.	Angled Mane: This hair has been rated HT. This hair is not for people who are sensitive to highly textured hair. This hair is not smooth.	Wavy Mane: I kind of like this one. However, even though it says for thin, sparse hair, I'm not sure my kind of sparse is their kind of sparse. My hair brings out the rage in hair dressers.
Shoulder Length Blunt Cut: Uses razor cut ends to create a "wispy look". My hair already looks wispy by nature. Will I be wispy squared? Over-wispy? I don't know and it concerns me.	Slight Graduation Cut: This is a "face hugging" shape. Gah! I saw Alien! I'm not getting a face-hugger! Gaaaaah!	Wispy: This style is both "funky" and "wispy". It's also "jagged", "piecey" and "fun". At what point would my hair have more personality than me? You had me at "jagged".
Wispy Bob Cut: Aside from the use of "wispy", which I've grown to hate, I like this one. I dig that one peice of hair that will always be in my eye. It's saucy. This one says "for square-shaped faces only". I have a face-shaped face. Gah! Damn you cruel hair dressers!	Round: That's some name. Description says it's "funky" and "glamorous" and "loves a fancy night on the town". I am none of these things. I would be worried my hair would leave in the middle of the night and start a new life with someone cooler.	Round Styling: I kinda dig this over the eye thing. It also has sharp, spikey, lethal-looking ends that seem as if my hair is preparing to cut my own throat. It's sort of like walking around with a torture device on your head. This is currently #2 in my book.
The Jake Gyllenhaal: Jake's hair is super spikey! Eee! Go Sean!	The Owen Wilson: Actually, with a non-goofy, non-blurry picture, this might look good on Sean.	The Affleck: The Affleck doesn't even look good on Affleck.