Your Daily News, 4/8/98


Your Headline:

	"Feds Cite 747 Dangers" -- Yeah, it's a huge hunk of metal 
trying to fly. We know.

Your City Government at Work:

-- Former state Rep. Joe Kotlarz was released from prison last week.
-- Former state official Bob Hickman gets out of jail this week.
-- Town Hall District officer stripped of his powers as he is investigated
for mob affiliation.
-- Ex-congressman Dan Rostenkowski continues to rehabilitate his public
image after his release tonight at 7 on CNBC's "Hardball" where he will
discuss "The Politics of Redemption"
     
Your National Government at Work:

-- $2.2 billion designated to bolster the HUD (Housing and Urban
Development) reserve funds and were to be used for renewing Section 8
certificates this fall will instead be used to cover most of the $2.9
billion supplemental appropriation for disaster aid and troops sent to
Bosnia and Iraq.  In related news, Bosnia and Iraq have raised $2.9
billion dollars to support the growing homeless problem in the United
States.
-- In a rousing political debate in the House yesterday, Majority Leader
Dick Armey (R-Texas) broke the silence concerning the president's sex and
perjury allegations:  "If it were me that had documented personal conduct
along the lines of the president's, I would be so filled with shame that I
would resign.  This president won't do that.  His basic credo in life is,
"I will do whatever I can to get away with it."  Clinton advisor Paul
Begala called Armey's comment "Goofy" to wit Armey poked his tongue out at
Begala and both were given detention by Newt Gingrich.

Your President, gettin' busy":

-- President Clinton praised Dem. Sen. Carol Moseley-Braun for her
advocacy of educational reform.  He did not, however, offer her oral sex.

Other City Governments with Worse Problems Than Ours:

-- Palm Springs, CA.  Sonny Bono's widow beat the actor who played "Pa" on
the "Waltons" in a special election Tuesday to decide who will succeed her
deceased husband in Congress.

The Educational Frontlines:

-- Thomas R. Weaver, senior lecturer of Chemistry at Northwestern for the
last 21 years, has been fired from his job for swearing at a Freshman.  He
used the "f-word" [direct quote] with a female student.  "I am sorry for
what I said," Weaver commented.  He added that his, "dismissal was not
exactly a surprise." as he had been warned about using profanity in class.
According to first year Chemistry students, Weaver has tended towards
using profanity, spitting on the floor and drinking Liquid Nitrogen.
Weaver attributes his actions to teaching Freshman.  Seriously.

The Literary World:

-- Salman Rushdie, who was sentenced to death by Iranian zealots for his
first book, has written a new novel about rock music and earthquakes.   In
related news,  ex-rocker Tommy Lee has pleaded guilty to the battery of
his wife, Pamela Lee and may be facing six months in jail.  Rushdie
probably won't have to go incognito again until September. 
-- Hustler magazine publisher Larry Flynt is facing obscenity charges in
Cincinnati.  Flynt was indicted Tuesday for pandering obscenity,
conspiracy, disseminating matter harmful to juveniles, and selling
pornography to minors.  Flynt commented, "Put them to bed."

Female Slander:

-- The typical gambler on an Illinois riverboat is a middle-class,
middle-aged or older, retired woman.  Yeah.  And she listens to Hansen,
The Spice Girls and the single "Candle in the Wind" by Elton John.

Traffic Report:

--As if Lake Shore Drive wasn't slow enough.  A bill proposed by Sen. Dick
Klemm (R-Crystal Lake) would give Illinois municipalities the power to
allow golf carts on the streets.   Klemm lives in a chain retirement
community called Del Webb's Sun City in Huntley.  Webb communities in
California, Arizona, South Carolina and Nevada allow golf carts, but Texas
restricted them.  Texans use them for target practice

Museum Watch:

-- Due to the popularity of the film "The Ghost in the Darkness", the
Field Museum has undertaken a special project to study the famous Tsavo
Lions.  Sue on the heels of "Jurassic Park 2".  Next blockbuster summer,
look for the "Lethal Weapon 6" display.

South Park Sightings:

--South Park was mentioned in the Richard Roeper column.  Roeper has
shaved off his goatee and traded his little round specs for contacts due,
in part, to an opinion that he "looked like that one-armed Vietnam vet on
South Park."

Naperville and Kenosha, 1950:

--Naperville officials rejected the proposal for a 150 foot cellular
telephone tower on city owned land.

Maywood Citizens:  4, Chicago Cab Drivers:  0:

--A Maywood cabdriver was found fatally shot next to his cab early
Tuesday.  This is the fourth crime against cabdrivers in that area this
year.

How the state of Washington seems to have a better handle on Irony than
the rest of us:

-- When the jury began deliberating a drunken-driving case, the judge went
out and got a 12-pack of beer.  Guilty verdict in, he drank a "cold one"
or two, with a lawyer and two jurors, then drove home with a half-finished
beer between his legs.

Science and Technology:

-- Romanian crew stranded aboard ship off Mexican Coast after their
propeller broke August 1st.  The crewmen have no money or mexican visas,
so they cannot go to land.
land.
-- From QT: "Two Russian cosmonauts are forced to cut short a spacewalk
during which they were to repair a bent solar panel because of problems
with the thruster engine."
"Get out of that thing"
"Get out of it now"

Fashion:

-- American sportswear reigned in Manhattan during the showing of the 1998
designer collections.  Your colors for the year are deep pure, gradiated
gray.  Subtle but sunny blue and alpaca.  Your shapes are flowing and
relaxed.  Don't you feel better knowing that?

Television:

-- From QT:  "Martha Stewart announced she will hook up her hoses on April
15"
--Drew Carey is not a rerun tonight.  Neither is Voyager, Everybody Loves
Raymond, Michael Hayes, Chicago Hope, Newsradio, 3rd Rock, Primetime Live,
Two Guys a Girl.  Also showing:  "The Greatest Story Ever Told" on the
Spanish Channel.

Millennium Countdown Message of the Day:

-- From QT:  "Maj. Gen. George Friel of the US Army Chemical and
Biological Defense Command on the chances of a major biological or
chemical terrorist attack on the Us:   "It is no longer a question on if""

On Sale:

-- Five Litre boxes of Franzia "Blush"  @ $6.99 [United Liquor Marts]
-- Wrought Iron Fence Gates @ $14.99 [Top Line Fence]

Business:

--The Postal Service earned $1.2 billion since mid-September, $285 million
more than expected.  Maybe they should try making a movie about a huge
ship that sinks and really rake it in.

Obituaries:

-- Cozy Powell, former drummer for Black Sabbath, Rainbow and Whitesnake
died in a car crash Sunday.
-- Wendy O. Williams, lead singer of the Plasmatics, committed suicide
Monday.
-- My father still wasn't in the obituaries.

Eligible Bachelor Reprieve:

-- Liz Taylor, who injured her back in Feb. -- will not be back on her
feet for another 4 months.

That is your news for the day.  Stay informed.

.....Steph